WTF?! I'm at my office at home so I guess it's my HP printer. Maybe I could attach it to a chain or something. Of course my sword and shotgun is on the right side of my desk. FML!
There are many, many objects to my left. A Bag of books, an ethernet cable, an 18" metal ruler, several thumbtacks, a chair... even further left out of my cube is a bookshelf full of glasses and bottles... Sounds like I'd be constructing some kind of Molotov cocktails with thumbtacks and other office supplies as additional burning materials. I suppose it'd be a project, but it'd also be a project for the zombies to get to the 12th floor of this building.
I posted this while I was at home, so in that case it was my bed... at least I will be comfy in the zombie apocalypse.